Heart Burn

When you feel your heart beating faster and in unison with another even for just a fleeting moment, when a single smile would be enough to get you through an entire day, when the most ungrammatical comment suddenly becomes poetry, when a childish prank becomes adorable, when images always get framed in your mind and remain in mint condition long afterwards, when you want to possess and even invade someone else's body and soul for all eternity, you know you are in love. Five years ago, probably around this time-- seriously, I fell in love.

It was a different feeling. Because when the other party starts to reciprocate and seeks not only companionship but intimacy as well, then you know what it is like to have really lived.

But it didn't last.

The break-up was painful. It took me quite some time to recover. I badgered a close friend with frantic messages in the wee hours of the morning, not so much as to seek comfort and advice, but mainly to tell me that it is not the end of the world. Unlike physical pain which goes away eventually, the pain you experience lingers, gnaws, throws imaginary punches until you tear yourself apart. I fully understand why some people take really drastic measures, maybe they simply gave in and called it quits.

But then again, this thing called love which causes so much pain and desperation, is also life-affirming and transcendental: it enabled Madeleine de Croissy to rise above her desperate situation following the murder of her mother and the burning of her house during the French Revolution; it caused Princess Turandot to overcome her hatred of men despite her life-long vow to avenge the rape of an ancestress; it allowed Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, Heathcliff and Catherine, Radames and Aida-- all literary and musical figures, yes-- to remain together despite the insurmountable odds. It was their love that binded them together until the very last breath.

Florentino Ariza's unrequited love for Fermina Daza survived more than half a century. He never threw in the towel. When the opportunity presented itself, he proposed again.

And like him, I too will not stop: when an opportunity presents itself, I will do so again.