Sunday, June 25, 2006

Queen of Landmarks

I attended two weddings in a space of just one week. This time, it was Marge Simpson’s wedding. Ok, her real name’s Che and she got wed to Jerry. The ceremony and the reception took place in Sta. Maria Bulacan, a good hour’s drive from Manila.

Che is probably among the worst persons in the world to ask for directions. First timers who visit her place would do well asking other people for directions. They end up getting lost anyway. She has this tendency to magnify undistinguished locations, or even objects, as landmarks, which would only remotely resemble her descriptions.

For example, a fork road turned out to be non-existent, it was just a messy intersection. She once pointed out a “monument”, which her friends all imagined to be a life-size statue of a national hero. It turned out to be - holy smokes!- a small marker made from a slab of stone! A "park" turned out to be a few benches with several potted plants and bushes. Even a “basilica” apparently was just some typical chapel you’d find in any provincial road-side. You see, we all had visions of a grand, Spanish-era Church a la Barasoain in nearby Malolos.

There was also this bridge so small you could pass it by without even noticing it. A rural bank sign was so faded all you can really make out is the rust, she’d sound like you can see it far ahead as you approach it. And a “large” billboard sign advertising some photo services turned out to be -Dios Mio, Che!- smaller than an average carinderia, or food stall signage. And I haven't even mentioned that she can be color-blind too. When Gina, her former boss and now sister-in-law first tried to locate her place, Che told her to look for a red gate. It's just that it wasn't red at all, it was green.

First time I visited her place, I got lost, of course. She told me to take a bus that would take me right outside her subdivision. I did. Only it wasn't the right one. You see, I could hardly identify her landmarks, so I ended up a little further off. Try doing that at night and you might end up in Pampanga.

Anyway, the wedding was simple, short but solemn. I’m sure I’ll get a call from her one of these days, laughing her head off. Cheers!


kraznaya said...

hi lester! .. i have been lurking around your blog for some time now ... i got wind about it from inday .. i enjoy your entries very much!.. keep writing ...

about the landmark thing, i am also a moron when it comes to giving driving directions ... i do find amusing those who give landmarks such as 7-11, jollibee or some lechon manok stall ... it's really not helpful considering that there's a 7-11 in every corner ... you miss one and there's surely another 7-11 coming up ... before you know it, you have entered into another zip code area ...

oh well, anywhere in the Philippines naman talaga is difficult to locate ... even maps are not helpful ... maps are more like suggestions of streets rather than a reliable accounting of thoroughfares ...

sige, too much rant na ... will drop by again next time.