Networking

A former office colleague I haven't heard from for quite some time, suddenly called me up on my mobile, sounding too perky. Since she was brimming with high spirits, I really wondered if she really missed me that much. We weren't exactly "close" to begin with.

"Ron, how are you? It's been quite a while since we saw each other."

I had this feeling she was going to sell me insurance.

"We had such a wonderful time in the old office, didn't we? Remember (another former office colleague)? Those were the days. Hahaha."

Hahaha yourself. Of course I laughed, I am polite. But honestly, it sounded "machine-generated," ya know, like those canned laughter in sitcoms or those "applause" signs used by the floor director in Wowowee to generate excitement.

This sudden bonding moment was ominous. I was pretty sure she'd sell me insurance.

I was dead WRONG.

"Hey, my husband's into networking. I'm setting you up for an appointment with him."

Uh-oh.

"Tell you what, I'll call you (a big lie, I was never going to call her) for confirmation."

I could almost see the expression in her face collapse from forced merriment to real disappointment.

I know, I know. Why couldn't I just tell her NO and not beat around the bush.

Ummm, because networking people are trained like those fanatic born-again missionaries on campus who'd lay the guilt trip on you for snobbing God because you don't want to join their bible study? They won't take no for an answer. I should know, Jasmin dragged me into one seminar about selling techniques.

I've been approached by a lot of networking agents selling anything from shoes to shampoos while relating how people have become spectacularly rich with schemes that, to my mind, bordered on pyramid scams.

One networking agent promised amazing health benefits and medical wonders for his product.

I desperately wanted to tell him, "Dude, you look too emaciated and sickly to be believable. You probably need it more than I do."

But I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

And so, I said, "Oooh. That's nice. Amazing. Wow!"