Ordering Pizza

I never realized ordering a pizza nowadays over the phone can be a taxing experience. And I'm not even referring to a busy signal. In fact, with one centralized number for easy recall, you don't even have to pick up the heavy phone directory and flip through the pages anymore.

It's when the other person on the other line takes your order that the long, exhausting process gets underway.

"Is there anything else you'd like to order sir?"

"What toppings would you like?"

"Thin or thick?"

"Sir might we interest you with our new promo?"

"Round or square?"

"That promo has been scrapped already."

"Exact amount or change for 500?"

Directions to your house as well as describing landmarks for easy reference already takes up a lot of time and makes you twitch in your seat.

And just when you're about to put down the phone, the agent rattles off, for a minute or two, with a prepared speech praising how efficient and wonderful (NAME OF PIZZA COMPANY)'s pizzas are.

Armed with a hyper-active imagination, I've been tempted several times to make life for these pizza phone agents a little "colorful" and "disorienting," just to break the tedious monotony of ordering pizzas.

I haven't actually done it yet, but another lengthy order on the phone and I just, just might finally tick off and do the following:

- order Chicken Joy;

- pay in dollars;

- sing my order to the tune of Boom Tarat Tarat;

- demand that the agent repeat my order with a little more pizzaz and enthusiasm;

- deliberately interchange p's and f's in the pronounciation, as in pamily size fizza;

- use high falutin' words like vinculum, obstreperous, frisson

I know what you're thinking: "Ron has already lost it, hasn't he?" It must be the summer heat.